April Fools Day – Lies and Misquotes

01April 1st – Famous Lies, Strange Thoughts & Misquotes

“It’s clobberin’ time!” – The Incredible Hulk (Bruce Banner)
Rosie Ruiz won the Boston Marathon ‘fair and square’ in 1980.
“Do as I say not as I do.” – Christian Grey
Mr. Rogers was a Navy SEAL, and wore a sweater to cover up his tattoos.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 6 is like my 8th favorite number.
“The Dickens you say!” – Ebenezer Scrooge
“Martha, I think our adopted son is from Krypton” – George Washington
You can’t feel if your hair is hot or cold and if you touch it it’s always hair temperature.
Wow! 6EQUJ5 is proof that there is other life in outer space.
People are probably more likely to text when they’re driving in real life than when they’re playing Mariokart.
“I love it when a plan comes together” – Dr. Sheldon Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory
Donald Duck always seems depressed or angry. I think it’s because he knows Daisy is cheating on him with Mickey.
Anna Mae Dickinson survived The Titanic, the Hindenburg and the attack on Pearl Harbor.
“I feel pretty.” – The Hunch back of Notre Dame
If you say ‘Bloody Mary’ three times then you will summon the spirit of comic strip character Mary Worth.
Who was Frank? Why did everyone want to be him?
“Danger, Will Robinson” – Robbie The Robot
An ambulance has amber lamps.
Rudolph Fentz, Jr. went for a walk in 1876, and was never seen again until he was hit by a car in 1950.
Anyone can charge their smartphone with a paperclip, two coins with copper inlay and your own body electricity!
When I touch my friend with my cold hands, I am literally taking energy from her for myself. Like a supervillain.
“God never gives us more than we can handle.” – The Book of Hezekiah 4:25
Pornstars make more money than me, and they don’t even have to wear pants.
“Is this a dagger I see before me?” – Lizzie Borden
Maybe the reason we’ve never seen aliens is because last time they came,dinosaurs ate a bunch of them and they’ve been scared to come back.
“The truth is out there” – Judge Judy Sheindlin
Moscow scientists claim global warming may be causing northern Russia to be swallowed up into the earth.
“I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” – The Little Tramp (Charlie Chaplin)
The Addams Family lived at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
“Hello Gorgeous.” – Miss Piggy
Most e-mail chain letters are real!
There are millions of emails addresses out there solely for the purpose of signing up for something and then was never used again. #neveragain
“I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too.” – Miranda Priestly
‘Ich bin ein Berliner’ Translated, it means “I am a type of German pastry”
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” – Jon Heder, in Napoleon Dynamite
I only have 4 months of bad luck left on that mirror I broke in 2011.
Mike Tyson and Rick Astley should swap voices.
If I announce I’m having an April Fools Day party, would anyone show up?
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” – Lex Luthor
Take Tom Cruise out of his movies and replace with Danny Devito… Mind blown
“Show me the money!” – Spencer Tracey, in It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Kitayna Ireyna Tatanya Kerenska Alisoff was a writer for the Moscow Clarion Call.
Bazooka is the only gum sold in Disney amusement parks.
“Holograms, the next best thing to being there.” – Richard Dawkins
“You look like a Picasso potrait” sounds like a compliment if you don’t know anything about art.
Keep several pounds of sand in your pockets to keep yourself from floating off the Earth like a balloon.
“I’m Rick James, bitch!” – Rick James
On a still and clear night, under a full ocean-side moon, you can sometimes smell the moldy lunar cheese.
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” – Madonna, in Desperately Seeking Susan
William Shears replaced Beatles’ bassist Paul McCartney in 1966, after Paul’s untimely demise.
Twin sisters Joanna and Jacqueline Pollock died and a car accident in the UK. They were reborn as twins to the same mother the next year.
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” – Dr. Strangelove
LIFE HACK: Vigorously rub two bottles of hydrogen peroxide together to make your own helium peroxide.
True or False? Charlie Chaplin’s remains were once stolen and held for ransom.
“I see dead people.” – Victor von Frankenstein
“Ricky you got some explaining to do.” – Lucy Riccardo
“I think, therefore I am.” – The Scarecrow of Oz
“My hamburgers are 100% pure beef.” – Hannibal Lechter
If the universe only has a finite amount of matter, how does Olive Garden have infinite salad and bread sticks?
“Kobayashi Maru is what gives a Jedi his power.” – Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars: The Adventure Begins
“God helps those who help themselves.” – The Book of Hezekiah 3:2
“I’ll have what she’s having.” – Hedy Lamarr, in Ecstasy
Maybe Humans started wearing hats because of bird poo.
“You had me at ‘hello.'” – Annie, in Annie
In 1996, a Swedish couple tried to name their son ‘Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.’ They would have pronounced it ‘Albin.’
“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?” – Sylvester Stallone, Rocky IV
Unless you do your laundry completely naked, you’ve never really completely done all your laundry.
“Soylent Green is people!” – Luke Skywalker, Star Wars
Someday Justin Beiber will be the subject of a serious biopic like Johnny Cash was in Walk the Line.
“Life is like an ice cream cone, you have to learn to lick it.” – Ben and Jerry
What if the Earth really is flat and scientists have been basing their understanding of the Universe on incorrect data?
“It’s like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it’s gonna rain.” – Halle Berry, in Catwoman
You can dissolve a tooth by placing it in a cup overnight filled with Coca Cola.
“Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.” – Bill Murray, Caddyshack
The Green Children of Woolpit never returned home, to St Martin’s Land.
“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”  – Bill Paxton, Mighty Joe Young
Experts say that hundreds of alligators are living in the sewers of New York City.
“Made it, Ma! Top of the world!” – Jack Dawson, The Titanic
“Let them eat cake.” – Mrs. Fields
“Yo Jude!” – Rocky Balboa singing The Beatles
Wearing a red shirt is a sign of Good Luck.
“How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?” – Bob Barker, TPIR
In 1987, two television signals from stations in Chicago were hijacked in what became known as the ‘Max Headroom’ broadcast signal intrusion.
“I’m a mog – half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.” – Lassie (TV show)
“You look MARVELous darling!” – Stan Lee
True of False? Bulls aren’t affected by the color red. They are color blind.
“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” – David Carradine, Shane (TV show)
Who knows the lyrics to the Star Trek TV Theme?
After his death, Walt Disney was frozen in 1966.

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